I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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