ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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