You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
