OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
