my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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