I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
