I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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