tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
