just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
