I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
