Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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