You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
