I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
