If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
