I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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