apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
