forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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