i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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