checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize