how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
