They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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