then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I faked an abortion last night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
