That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
