Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize