if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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