she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
