I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So squirting runs in the family.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
