Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
