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she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
