if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
