last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
