i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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