i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
