Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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