remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
