yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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