3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
