??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
