I love black thongs
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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