So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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