i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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