you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You ate ashes out of my bong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
