she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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