Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
