I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
