I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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