Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Randomize
