my vag is so smooth its legendary
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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