What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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