guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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