Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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