So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
