Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
