remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
