we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
