this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
