she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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