I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
