Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got inside last night via doggy door
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
