So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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