Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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