I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
