so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love how my cats smell like pot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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