Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
