never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
