Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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