My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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