I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think i have herpe
just one?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
