The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's the barista slut.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
