why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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