I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
