when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
